log cabin rd. ride

After battling a migraine that kept me from work, drinking some recovery Coffeetree, checking out some houses, and eating cart food, I road my bike 42 miles (mainly in the dark and in the rain, due to the obviously late start). If you have Oscar Swan's book, it's in there under Log Cabin Rd. Ride, though Soupie contests that perhaps we made a wrong turn, in that at some point the rode went at a 90 degree angle, and perhaps we were not supposed to do that on this ride. Oh well, after a good hearty ride, my head's starting to hurt again so I need more water and some sleep, and I can surely put my fork down on the day and say, "Satisfecho!"



In other news, I have been trying to get more upper body strength. More swimming back in my schedule, and more free weights with the arms. I have a hard time holding bikes over my head at work, which I have to do more often in a day than you'd think, and while some arm muscles I can do reps of 10 or 20 lbs., others I can only do reps of 3lbs. How embarassing! But I will be a fearless killer soon, and by fearless I mean able to mountain bike in the mud without hyperventilating, and by a killer I mean lean and svelt. Sure, I have two jobs, work on a farm, and have poetry to write, publish, and read at scheduled events (such at July 10th, if you're in the PGH area, at Most Wanted Fine Arts Gallery), but a little tough love on the bod will do me good.


A good added rule is to think, every time I go to eat something, "what is this doing for my body?" and sometimes the answer is, "something awful!" and I resist. Other times the answer is, "giving me a lot of sugar and fat, which I need right now," and I eat, but in somewhat more sensible amount. Most of the time, though, knowing the question is about to come up helps to pre-emtively choose more healthful foods, such as vegetables from the garden and a side of tempeh and pasta rather than pizza, or the pho tofu (soup) rather than the sesame tofu (deep fried).


I've also added aloe vera juice to my regimen, and drink it a few times daily with my water. It's fairly citrus-y in flavor, and I like it best with some Gatorade powder as well. The benefits of aloe vera juice are muscle recovery, organ/intestine strength, proper bowels, and is an over-all internal healer. While I do still get headaches (see above), my knees have been bothering me, and I am still fairly convinced that I broke my lower rib a while ago, I feel quite healthy in general and have been riding strong.

Welcome To Summer

ride to Mt. Washington for work and back (though I came back a slightly longer way than is on this map, tooling around Schenley Park and taking Serpentine up the hill), dog walk in the park and to return library books, ride w/ soupie and eggman for Page's Dairy Mart Ice Cream:




http://www.gmap-pedometer.com/?r=2645337



Yesterday I started working at the bike shop, today I turned down a promotion at Autumn House. I handed in my thesis for it's final pre-game rally, two days ago. Epic summer, here we go.

This Ain't no Mecca, Man

Dear Carolyne Mistake-


I live in San Francisco, one of the most expensive places in the USA, in a hallway under the stairs and make about 200 bucks a week. A great number of the people I know in this really high cost of living area have food stamps. Some of them come from really economically disadvantaged backgrounds, and some are, let's face it, just really into getting "free" food because it's "punk". For years, I have never felt that food stamps were appropriate for me, me of the whitey upper middle class college educated background that I have, should be more than capable of foraging for my own food and not taking advantage of a system that is supposed to help people who are actually in need. But lately I might be re-thinking my position. Food stamps are attractive to me not because I think poverty is at all cool (though that guy who wrote EVASION might care to differ) but because shit man, food is expensive and the amount of money I make is tiny compared to the majority of the people living in this area. SO, my question to you is, how ethical are food stamps for punks of a certain privileged background? I know there is the whole argument of not wanting to work because work is hella not punk, or to be able to go on tour and cook for the people who's house you stay at, but I fit into neither of those categories. So tell me your thoughts.



Sincerley,


This ain't no mecca man...






Dear (This Ain't No) Mecca Man,



Everything sucks right now. No one has jobs and the people who do
have jobs aren't making enough to survive. To be honest I don't
really understand national economics. Interesting how I an understand
my own money, and have a fairly good grasp on global economics, but
how we are able to live as luxuriously as we do as a nation and still
no one has any money and the country as a whole is in a huge debt,
completely escapes me. So keep that in mind as I try to help you out.



I have often felt the same way you do. That food stamps are for
people who need it, not "us," not "people who choose to be poor." But
hey Mecca, guess what, we are no longer choosing to be poor. You got
a job, you are trying to make it, and there's no real reason why you
should have a job and live in a staircase and starve while there are
people out there eating (through whatever means necessary). Even my
mother recently suggested I apply for food stamps, as I have been
eligible for years upon years now. There was a time when dumpstering
was pretty profitable but it seems like even that has stopped, with
many places trying to save as much as possible because even they don't
have any money (not to mention so many other people who have started
looking there for a change of a meal).



The one issue I suppose I still have with punks who are on food stamps
is when they talk about how shitty the government is. At this point,
come on man we all know it sucks, but if you are getting free,
not-from-the-trash food then there is little justification to complain
about the government on at least that level. It's still probably
alright to rise up against those horrible international policies and
fear-tactics.



But if you are going to go on food stamps, also consider other methods
of food (easier said than done, right?). I met a guy in D.C, years
ago, who grew herbs and vegetables in his apartment, on his
windowsills, and that's where he got the majority of his produce.
There are also community gardens and sometimes even farms that are not
too far outside a city's limits. While these aren't really food-stamp
accessible, they are cheap ways of getting food and you will be giving
your money directly to a family, and possibly could work out a system
where you work for your food or for some of your food, depending on
your availability. Check out Alemany Farm (alemanyfarm.org) or the
Green Gulch Farm at the San Fransisco Zen Center (sfzc.org/ggf) for a
few options but there are probably lots more out there. Here in
Pittsburgh there is even a squat dedicated to community farming, that
the government recently decided to legalize (if I have my facts
correct). And of course there is always Food Not Bombs. You might
feel better about being on food stamps if you alternately volunteer
your time with another organization trying to feed people (including
yourself). Or use some of your extra food stamp money to feed some
friends who are also struggling but who do not quality.



What ever you choose, don't feel like a jerk for needing to feed
yourself. Maybe being punk in general isn't ethical. Or maybe it's
as ethical as we can get. Would Steve Ignorant be on food stamps if
he lived in a city where a college educated person made $8/hr and rent
for a real room (yeah I know he lives in a teepee somewhere) cost at
least $550/month? A person can only sacrifice so much, but a person
can also usually give a lot more than they give themselves credit for.

orange girls

Hi I am a 26 year old dude living in the East End. I haven't had sex in three months. To make matters worse my hippy neighbor gave me some of her herbs and now when I jerk off my loads are enough to fill a 10 gallon jug (not really but you get the idea). So what do I do? My hippy neighbor ain't trying to let me in and I have hard time discerning inviting women and just friendly girls. Is it time for me to go to the (gulp) matrix and just go after one of those orange girls??



thanks,



seriously, gallons





Dear gallons,



Ok, so I am going write this under the assumption that you are not
looking for a relationship (but I will cover that a bit at the end
just to make sure). If you gulp before you say that, then don't do
it. It isn't what you are looking for. I mean, sure, if you just
wanna get laid by just anyone you can get your mits on, then you can
go to the Matrix, or for that matter the Brillo Box, 80's Night, etc.
and pick up some broad who doesn't wanna go home alone that night.
And if you are both mutually into it then right on. By the gulp
though, sounds like you are looking for someone with a little more
pizazz. This could go a few different ways. You got this huge load
going for you, not to mention some killer herbs you could cook a saucy
meal with (for your potential date). Lots (well maybe not lots, just
like you couldn't actually fill a 10 gallon jug) of women out there
love huge loads. You could even eat different foods to make it taste
different. There's always the internet, namely Craigslist, full of
people who just want someone they can meet every Thursday afternoon
and roll around in bed with for an hour and a half in between work and
their grad school night class. Market that shit! Or if not
Craigslist, if you want something just slightly more intimate, ask
around, single friends of friends. Just don't be a creep because that
will ruin your chances. There are kinky girls out there. Ask your
neighbor if she knows anyone. If she has the kinda stuff that can do
that to your body, she probably knows some open minded people. Or at
least wouldn't be too taken aback by the question.



So on the off chance that you are interested in a date that leads to
more than just a romp, maybe try (for a quick but risky solution)
heading to some place like the BBT for dollar beer night where girls
aren't totally wasted but are friendly and talkative and surrounded by
friends, possibly even mutual friends if you live in the area, or
perhaps Tazza d'Oro where you can read a good book and people are in
good enough caffeinated spirits that if it's an interesting looking
title then someone might talk to you about it (but actually read the
interesting book, don't pose out, because you'll have to talk about
it, dig?). Or take up a class in something you've wanted to learn for
a while, or volunteer at an organization you support. It will take up
some time you currently spend rubbing one out and thinking about
rubbing one out, and you might even meet someone with a similar
interest or passion.



As far as knowing the difference between inviting women and friendly
girls, it's a hard call. You'd have to pay attention to body language
more than just a smile. At some point, if the inviting woman is a
little shy or not very good getting the invitation out there, you may
have to subtly ask if she would be interested in hanging out later, or
put your hand on her knee and see if she reacts positively or
negatively. That's a hard thing to give advice on, really, the
generality of finding out if a woman is into you. If you'd like, you
can write back if there is a particular situation in mind that you are
confused about. In the meantime, good luck in your pursuits!



-CM

ingenuity

how do you live day to day when you think capitalism is morally wrong; at least in its current incarnation?



how do you broach the subject of group sex?



is tic-tac ever going to give me credit for the multipack? see: ingenuity/entrepreneurship/1993/bastards





Dear Ingenuity,



This is quite a lot to tackle at once! I guess the best way to go
about this is just one at a time.



1 - Capitalism. There's no way to get away from it. It's the very
soil our houses our built on, the grain our cereal's pounded from. If
America were to every become an anarchist state, it won't achieve that
in our lifetimes. This isn't to discern you, it's just to consider
the starting point. We must be anti-capitalist in our own lives in
the ways we can, and then grow on that as we are comfortable. Own a
house? Start a garden. The garden thrives? Turn it into a community
project, or find another plot of land. There was a program in England
where people, in the dead of night, took over community concrete parks
and made them into flower gardens. Perhaps the same could be done
with vegetables and fruit? Grow things we can live off! The more we
grow the less we need to purchase, and the less dependent we become on
others to supply for us at whatever they see fit as the cost. Then of
course the next steps are renewable energy, finding small ways to make
your life more efficient. We can't change the world in drastic ways
over night. But we can change it in small ways overnight by turning
our lights off and our water off, using different forms of electricity
and heat, investing in solar paneling, and researching where our
products come from to see if they are fueling a civil (or otherwise)
war somewhere overseas. Actively participate in group-oriented
events, such as riding the bus, community theatre, or sewing circles.
Things that incorporate community participation rather than isolation,
and that support the efforts of others. Just because the system is so
wound up in capitalism, these things will sometimes still cost money
(buying yarn because you can't just own a sheep suddenly in the city
and know how to build a spindle to spin yarn. But then again you can
make a synthetic yarn out of plastic bags or even dog hair, it would
just be a matter of how much time you have to spare in our society
where we need jobs to survive. Most importantly don't get discouraged
or feel badly about what you are doing to the world or what other's
are doing to it. Just think of creative and fun things that will help
rather than hinder. Listening to Crass and other peacepunk bands
help, and watching documentaries, etc. of old peacepunk squats and the
innovative things they did (when things were going well, anyway) to
keep alive without sacrificing their beliefs.



2 - sex. Do you want group sex between you, your partner, and others?
First, just mention it to your partner. The worst s/he can say is
no. Assuming you have been together for a while, they probably by now
have a sense that you are interested in over-all alternatives to the
sometimes suffocating paradigms, and potentially your partner is too.
Bring up the topic as something you've been considering, and explain
your reasoning and how it could enhance things between you and your
partner. If your partner is into it, brainstorm together on who else
might be interested, who you find mutually attractive. Perhaps there
is a couple out there with whom you, as a couple, have felt a
compelling bond. Or maybe you are looking for something purely
physical, a dynamic outside of what you know and who you know. Maybe,
then, you miht be best served to join a club or organization dedicated
to this behavior. Just make sure whoever you engage with has been
tested for STD's etc. Love is expansive and your partner, if s/he is
in it to win it, will likely be open minded. If not, is this
something you consider seriously enough to break off the relationship?
If so, talking together with a third party may help to rebuild the
bond that could be on its hinges.



3 - tic-tac. Not likely. Unfortunately, even if you took them to
court, they could keep it rolling for a long time with their
never-ending legal budget, while you will just sink further into the
hole as they weight it out. You could be lucky, of course, and settle
out-of-court just to save them the hassle. Did you ever copyright the
concept? Do you have proof that you came up with it before they did,
and were they the first after you?



Fucking asshole just don't get it.

homeward bound

hi there. my advice needed is based purely on hypotheticals.



Ok. So, I am looking to buy a house. Ideally, my partner would move into it with me, and only my partner. Even though we've been together a while, there is still the "eehhh I dont know if we should live together" vibe. However, if I get a house sooner rather than later, then I'll still want a roommate to help pay that mortgage payment. So, given that partner has first dibs and turns it down, current roommate gets second dibs. PROBLEM: suppose a few months later, or whatever, partners says, "Hey! Let's live together! I'll Move in!" how do i deal with moving the roommate out without him being upset? I guess I could tell him right off the bat that whenever partner decides to move in, he'd have to leave? but both seem shitty. other option is finding a big enough house for all of us--roommate has lots of recording equip and a drum set, etc, but its not like it takes up tons of room.... but three of us in a 2-bedroom will be a little tight despite partner and i staying in one room ourselves.




~homeward bound




Dear Homeward Bound,



It is important to be straight up and confrontational with everyone
before-hand. Perhaps have a meeting with everyone now, a tentative
discussion with people, and then another one once the house has been
picked out and you have decided that yes, this is the place you want
to settle into and make truly your own. Remember that owning a house,
while a lot cheaper in Pittsburgh, is still a big deal and not
something nearly as temporary as a roommate and potentially even your
partner (fate-willing). Make sure your partner knows how you feel
about him/her moving in together, and agrees that this is YOUR house.
If there is enough room in the house you choose for three people, it
may be beneficial to have a third person living there, so long as
partner and roommate get along, and you are in a healthy relationship
with both people.



Financially, if you and your partner are dedicated to one another, at
least for the semi-long term or even the extended time being, living
together can be a good investment. You will save on gas/bus fare, and
on utilities, plus as you mentioned it will be another person to help
with the mortgage payment.



If you let your roommate move in before your partner, you should be a
fare landlord and allow your roommate to stay there because it is not
his fault your partner waffled. The exception would be if your
roommate agreed ahead of time that no, that would be no problem at all
to move out. You should at least give him a couple month's notice so
that he can find a new place. Ultimately, though, whatever the
agreement is, it should be made on consensus of all parties involved,
before anyone moves in. And you should not purchase your house based
on the current agreement or living situation, because the house will
still be in your name and requiring payments and attention and love,
and will be the shelter over your head, no matter who else lives
there.



Good luck on the search, this is a wonderful time to buy, especially
being a young, motivated, and healthy person who can buy a slight
fixer-upper! Prices probably couldn't get much lower than they are
now.



As a side note, try to meet the neighbors of get the inside scoop on
them before hand. They also come with the house, for better or for
worse.



-CM

Hi. So.... what do i do???!!! I need to play drums for Led Zep or some huge arena rock band. I need help. Please help me. I am not John Bonham's son, therefore I have a disadvantage. Thanks, Jake



Dear Jake,



There are a few different ways to go about this. Think of Judas
Priest and Ripper Owens, who took over when Rob Halford left to form
Fight. Owens was in a J.Priest tribute band and tried out for the
part. On the other hand, there is the Iron Maiden route. Get a
really tight band together and send your demo out to different bands
until one of them picks you up to open for them on tour. If you are
as good or better than the headlining band, you are pretty sure to
succeed.



There are some other methods of fame out there. David Grohl seems
like a good example of rising from the bottom. He plays huge bands
now but started out playing for Scream, a pretty unknown band. But he
made some good connections and opened his mind to different things,
and Nirvana was formed. He wasn't the spectacle of that band, but the
band as a whole caught a very big wave that pushed Grohl to the top,
and when Nirvana was over, Grohl was in a place to become pretty
infamous with whatever next project he started, so long as he played
his cards right.



Do you have a band already? Do you have a manager? A demo? It seems
that the mistake that a lot of smaller rock bands make is that they
come out with a demo too soon, so people hear them before they are
ripe. Many of the best bands in history have waited. If you wait
until what you are producing is really, really, good and tight, then
when you send it out to radio stations and distributors, you will get
better feedback and a bigger turnout.



It seems, also, that speed helps. I am not sure why, I think it is
the crazy sparkle it puts on your eye that makes the girls go wild.
Think of the Beatles. They were on all kinds of uppers when they
played the pubs and clubs in England when they were starting out, and
that wild head bopping and grinning, set behind the innocence of their
young faces, really drove fans mad. As a drummer, you have the most
potential to just sit back, but you will need an incredibly
charismatic frontman or frontwoman to rise the band up.



As far as starting from the bottom and immediately joining a larger
band, you should probably refer to the first suggestion of really
learning someone else's tone and quality, memorizing their every move,
and then replacing that person when the time is right. As a drummer,
though, you should probably first become satisfied with playing music
for the love of music, and creating really innovative beats and a new
fresh sound, and from there, there will be long-term success that will
bring you up to fame over the years. Good luck and keep practicing!



-CM

Dear Carolyne Mistake,



it's been a long time since i have been able to find my s/o physically attractive without pretending she is a creature from another world. i don't mean, like, and alien, but more "fantasy-like." truth is, i have always had a thing for elves. the way they can move through the forest and communicate with nature fascinates me. beautiful and immortal, they live in perfect communion with their surroundings. and those ears!



it's been something that i have been able to keep to myself for a while, but the problem is starting to manifest in more and more outward ways. i used to get away with simple internal pretending during intercourse. then i tried encouraging her to wear her hair in certain ways or wear certain outfits. recently i even told her what was going on in my head. she though i was just messing around and she indulged me a little by learning some lines from lord of the rings. she thinks i am just playing around.



it's gotten to the point now that i am actually searching for doors to other worlds in hopes that there are elves there. any time i get in my car or open a door to a room i secretly hope i stumble into another realm. this is the part i haven't told anybody about. it is my hope that this phase simply "goes away," but i know my own sexual desire to mate with a creature of fantasy has been long in the making. i don't think it will ever just stop. i want to do research into where the concept of "elves" came from in hopes that i can trace the story back to it's root and possibly find the real elves. i will then attempt to mate with them. is that something i should "not do?"



-NIMH




Dear NIMH,



Dear Nimh,



No I think you should do that! When I was in high school and played goalie on the field hockey team , there was a piece of graffiti behind one of the goals that said, "the only way to resist temptation is to yield to it." This advice might not be the best for my alcoholic family members, but in your case I think it's the best way to overcome this quote-unquote "problem."



There are a few books on elves out there. When you research, make sure you are not reading a bunch of made-up and humoring babble. A good place to start is Robert Kirk's "A Study in Folk-Lore and Psychical Research" Which was written in 1691. Another book, that expands on Kirk's work, is "The Secret Commonwealth of Elves, Fauns, and Fairies," written by Andrew Lang around 1890, using Kirk's vision as a stepping stone and launching pad. Tolkien was a great visionary, but most of his work is illusury and nonserious, typically using the mystical world as placeholders for his Christian themes. The more you know about the world of elves, the more likely you will be to enter their world, be open to it, and likely even be invited into it.



There are probably others like you out there. Make sure they are sane and serious. This is touchy ground, especially in an age of big-budget fantasy movies and Harry Potter. As far as your girlfriend goes, she can "play elf" to her little heart's content but she will never BE an elf. You will have to consider what you love and desire more, your girlfriend as a wonderful human, or the elven world. Perhaps once you leave her in search of the next realm, you will come to love her in a whole new dimension.



Until then, though, it is important to be honest to both your girlfriend and yourself, and explore the parts of you that have been subdued so long, probably due to societal pressures and not realizing there was even potential to love another besides a human. Good Luck!

I don't have any good ideas for my song-a-day today!



Ideas so far (to prove that they are not so good)

- song about getting my pupils dilated during my eye exam today and
not being able to see shit for four hours.

- song about having A negative blood and Q having A positive blood,
and that meaning that he did better than I did on the blood test.
wakka wakka.



so terrible.



What should my song be about????



-- emma




Dear Emma,



First of all, I think those songs are A-okay, especially when you are
going to be writing a song every day. That is hard work! Especially
when you don't have a line of producers helping you out. The second
one is especially inspiring and could turn out great if you work it
right. Have you listened to any Vancougar? This sort of song reminds
me of that. The concept of blood being different, and the tests it is
put though, and what makes people compatible, could be a great theme
to run on, especially going on the positive and negative as you said.
At least you didn't get a B minus!



When I write poems and can't think of what to title it, I sometimes
think of the context of when I wrote it, such at the time and place,
or what I was thinking about or listening to. "8 a.m. Sunday, Joni
Mitchelle on repeat." for example. It provides an extra layer and
texture without saying much. You could use the same idea of song
titles, in the reverse way. Think of what you are doing, and take it
out of context. The images it creates, especially maybe if you show
it to Q or another third party, could be the start of a really good
song, lyrically.



Another poetic strategy, which is what I have mainly to go by as that
is my genre of choice, is the list. Consider songs like "people who
died" by Jim Carroll Band. A bit gruesome, but essentially just a
list of people that guy knew. or "I've Been Everywhere" by Hank Snow
(covered by Johnny Cash a few years back) which is just a list of
places, really. Both songs don't have necessarily a whole lot to them
as far as consideration and introspection, but that part is left to
the audience enough that it's interesting on multiple levels. You
could write a song about the toys you had as a kid, or didn't have as
a kid, or about all the best dates you and Q went on.



OR you could make it a bit more thematic to give yourself some more
structure. Say, something like, take the first line from each guns
and roses song and rewrite the rest of the lyrics. But you would have
to do it without the music or else you may write the music too
similarly. Maybe take the first sentence from thirty books on your
shelf.



If none of these suggestions help, try some of these song topics: The
first time you saw the ocean. Returning to your childhood home.
Pretending to sneak out of the house as if it were your parents', even
though you're a grown ass woman now. Organizing a bake sale to post
bond for a friend who was arrested by the fashion police (stakes is
high).



I hope those help!! Good luck and I think that sounds like a
fantastic and motivated Fun-A-Day. Can't wait to hear the final
project at the show in March.



-CM

WHAT NOT TO DO is back!

Need advice? Email Carolyne.Mistake@gmail.com

getting laid off means more reason to explore

I was going to do a classic "good news/bad news" post but I believe all my news is good so I will just do a good news/good news" post unless I can think of anything.  For bad news, check out Soupie's blog ("you poor bastard!" sorry pookie).

The good news is I bought my tickets to Mexico, and despite the hike in oil prices, it was a breeze $337 round trip, including traveler's insurance in case I lose my hand and need medical assistance pronto, or come down with dysentery, or my flight's delayed for days or something.  I bought the tickets because I knew I would end up wanting to go regardless of what my work said, and I knew they were going to let me go anyway, even though they hadn't given me a straight answer.  So I have been studying the region to try to decipher the best way to utilize my ten days there (which is really only 8 since the travel is long.

The good news is that I did not act incorrectly, as my work did grant me the days off, no problem.  However, they are laying me off at the end of May, so I will be gone for a week (four days) of work, then come back for another few weeks, on the 12th, and then work for another couple weeks and then I'm done.

But the good news is they are laying me off not because they are dissatisfied with my job there, but because one of my bosses is moving her practice mainly to Alabama, working in Pittsburgh every other two-weeks, so the other attorney, who will be taking on most of her cases, wishes to hire a paralegal to help her out, rather than a secretary who does not do research, etc.  Attorney 1 says that I do a paralegal's job right now so attorney 2 will be sad once she has to pay someone more money to do the same job, but probably not as well.

This also means that I am going to be on unemployment, so I will still be receiving money while I am in school, so I can work on my thesis and leisurely try to find another good job, without being pressed to find one immediately in order to keep up with bills, etc.  Since I will have some time on my hands, I am looking at applying for grants, specifically the Fulbright Fellowship which supports students and artists (I am both!) in their overseas endeavors.  I have a meeting with a representative on Friday.

Since these last semesters I will just be working on my thesis, plus taking on one class which if I can come up with an itinerary for Oaxaca, will be taken care of in May, I don't have to be in Pittsburgh too much.  I am looking forward to be a bit of freedom and room to move, since my schedule has been rather packed, though I have been enjoying my time as I've been spending it.  I like being busy, feeling like I have some semblance of a purpose.

It also means I can perhaps visit friends just within the US or elsewhere.  I miss a lot of people.  Sometimes the internet is good for relieving that, but sometimes it just makes it worse.

As a final good news since my hands are getting cold and stiff, not like dead but like winter, tonight I made a delicious dinner.  Here is the very basic recipe.  Cut a Spaghetti squash in half, scoop out seeds, and bake for 45 minutes at about 425F, in a pan with about an inch and a half of water (so it's steam-baked, in a sense).
Cube a block of extra firm tofu.  Put it in a bowl with stir fry sauce, Braggs, honey, and flax seeds, and mix.  Let marinade.
Chop and saute onions and garlic, then add shittake mushrooms cut into slivers.  Steam kale, chard, and spinach, in whatever ratio you need to get rid of rotting veggies.  Pour some water into saute pan if it looks like it's drying, then a bit of salt.  absorb water into vegetables, then when onions are carmelized, scoop it all out and put on a plate.
sprinkle corn starch into tofu bowl a little at a time while stirring.  Pour into pan, complete w/ excess sauce from the  bottom of the bowl.  add a tiny bit of oil.  Chop up ginger into tiny pieces and add to pan.  Let fry, but keep an eye on it through the next stage, flipping tofu every so often to make sure it gets cooked all around and doesn't burn.
Take squash out of oven, assuming it's done by now.  flip over so they're on their skins and scoop out flesh from one half (a squash feeds 4 hungry people, but we were just two hungry people so we only used half).  It will look like spaghetti, hence the name.  place it on a plate, as there will be a pretty big pile.

When tofu is done, scoop onion mix on top of tofu, in pan, and mix quickly.  Place back on plate and place on heating rack if your kitchen is fancy like mine and has one.  Don't forget about the greens!  If you haven't turned that off already, do so now before your spinach disappears (it happens!)
Melt a bit of margarine in pan.  Flush squash from plate into pan and mix up so it all gets a tiny bit of butter on it.  Add spices to taste: cinnamon, cumin, curry, basil, cloves.  Let simmer in pan for a couple minutes so the flavors can seep into the squash.
Place squash on two plates, cover with chunks of tofu mix, then dress with greens on the side.  Serve with roibos tea (I had jasmine).

bon apetite!

Resolutions

That last resolutions list was a bit half-assed. Here is a better one:





1. Eat healthier. This means not just baked goods, etc, which are of course out, but also prepared vegan foods that are super processed. More cooking in, less food from a box.






2. Take more photos. Of everything. Soupie, Major Tom, roommates, the world, everything.






3. Take more risks, be more adventurous, leave my bubble more often. This year has been very relaxing and stable, which was nice and mainly needed. But now I am ready to go out into the world again. This will be a great excuse to use my new nuvi 350 since I get lost pretty easily and have relied so much on Evan this past year to figure out my physical place in this world, and also to have a reason to go someplace. Very much not my style, and as much as I cherish every moment spent with Soupie, I do also like that I am a bit of a loner, and that I can make it in this world on my own. I want to get back into exploring that.





4. Wear clothes that fit. Almost all my clothes are either too big or too small, or are baggy or tight in weird places. Yes I know that, as one homeless man once told me, I am voluptuous, but there are clothes out there that are meant to look good OFF the coat hanger! I don't have to give up my flamboyant punk style, but perhaps I can look not so frumpy. The days of being homeless to any degree are clearly over, so there's no real reason to continue looking the part.





5. Don't spend money on stupid shit. But don't be afraid to spend on important things.




6. Ride my bike more. I already commute a lot, sure, but I mean like going on really long, hard, esoteric rides that may start and end at 5819 Stanton, but the end point feels completely different from the starting base.




7. Submit my work to more places. I was on a good role this summer, but lost the habit. I got busy and fell out of gear. Now that I have a decent portfolio, I feel, perhaps I can do something more with it. Enter a few contests. Get my work out there.




8. Edit old poems/essays I have put on the back burner, and give a second look to poems/essays that have been deemed as "finished" but don't feel quite polished enough to me.



9. More tea, less coffee. More juice, less soda. Eight glasses of water per day. Eat only when hungry.



10. Overall, just become a better version of who I am now. Which is typically my New Year's resolution, just tidy up the loose ends. Fatally, no matter how much I've been tidying up over the past 25 years, there are always loose ends to tidy. At least it keeps me busy. And this time it is documented. Perhaps I will print it out and hang it above my bed.

What Not To Do: Ask Carolyne Mistake

dear ms mistake.



i have this weird crush on my old assistant manager (ass-man), who i don't really find sexually attractive, but it's more that he was in a position of power. he's really sweet in a condescending male type of way, and also a bit of a jerk as far as how he is in relationships (having heard a lot about his last one). i'm pretty sure he'd bone me (in fact from all the sexual harassment i work, i'd say he has a big crush on me), and i'm pretty sure with a few drinks i'd bone him as well, but mostly just for the conquest. ass-man just got dumped by his fiancee so he's broken hearted and looking to score. the thing is that i'm in a relationship, but an open one. and ass-man is totally against open relationships (for himself). so should i go ahead and try and bone him? even if it breaks his heart again? or should i just let this one go? what do you think i should do?



thanks!



-debating assistant manager nookie (damn)




Dear D.A.M.N.,



What?! OK so let me get this straight. This guy was your boss, and he sexually harassed you fairly often when you worked together, and he's ugly as far as your personal aesthetics go. This may sound a bit harsh, but if he was harassing you at work, that's probably a sign that he did not have a "crush" on you but actually saw you as a vision of conquest himself, which was save to pursue under the guise of "I'm engaged and believe in monogamy." His fiance probably left him because he's one of those guys who grabs girls' asses in crowded elevators, goes to strip clubs, and flirts with every female he sees, in front of his wife, and then brushes off her complaints or remarks of hurt with, "What, I'm a man! It's not like I'm cheating on you." Let him live with his broken heart for a while. Let it consume him until he can phoenix, reborn into a hopefully more aware man. Also, "really sweet in a condescending male type of way?" Really? I suppose there's an ass for every seat, as someone told me last week. But seriously, you already have a seat, you don't need to be sticking your own ass in this jerk's face. If you needed to get your socks knocked, then maybe I'd say use him for that. Bus actually, no. No no no.




Dear Carolyne Mistake,



What do you do about stoner roomates who never clean up after themselves?



Sincerely,


Bummed in Brighton




Dear Bummed,



I have lived with stoner roommates and I've lived with cokehead roommates. While cocaine is a much worse drug and typically makes people much more obnoxious, they were much cleaner, staying up all night mopping the floors, getting anal-retentive about the dishes and the organization of the videos, etc. It's a tough call, though. I personally would probably rather live with messy stoner roommates than tweaky cokehead roommates. Especially since the stoner roommates have snacks, and the cokehead roommate just have annoying cokehead friends.



Here are some ways that have at least almost worked in the past, as far as keeping the house clean.



*Chore Charts.*

Yeah they're annoying and make you feel like you're in kindergarten, but if everyone knows they have a task to do and they actually do it, then the house will say clean, and the more people you have living in the house and participating, the easier everyone's job is. I suppose the downfall of this is that people have to "participate" which, for stoner roommates, isn't really an option.



*lessen amount of dishware."

In my house right now, we only have a couple mugs, a few plates, and a pan. Even if we gotta wash someone else's stuff, it's not a huge deal. And washing our own dishes doesn't end up being such a problem either, since there isn't ever a daunting mess in the sink, or an inviting mess that says, "hey I'm already full of stuff, why not a few more dishes? No one will notice."



*Assigned dishes.*

Everyone has a plate, a cup, a set of silverware. And then there is a guest set or two. That is what you are responsible for and that's it. That way you know that at least you will have something to eat off, and also just who is not doing their part. That makes the following step easier:



*The Classic "Dishes in Bed" trick*

This is a real low blow, but occationally needs to be done. I've never done it, but I have friends who have come home to a bed full of their own dirty dishes. Sure they complain to their friends about how awful their roommates are for actually making them wash their sticky stinky plates that have been sitting in the sink for weeks, but at least they wash them. Hopefully. If they don't they will at least leave them in their rooms so the mess is somewhat contained.



*Rotating Sink Duty*

This is the best method I've been a part of so far. It doesn't work in instances where some people are only home a little bit, so they are gone for a couple days, or just a long busy day, and come home and there's a full sink of dishes, and then the major mess maker who sits on the couch all day smoking the Wizard and watching Cartoon Network eats a pb&j and washes his glass of milk and flips the name to the next person in line. But it does work when everyone is home a pretty good amount, or at least relatively the same amount. What you do is, give everyone a card with their name on it. Stack them up on top of each other in front of the sink, so only one name is seen at a time. Whatever name is on top, needs to wash all the dishes currently in the sink. One they do a load, they can flip to the next person. So if someone walks through the kitchen and sees a cup in the sink, they can wash it and then flip it. People will be very hip to the idea of washing dishes immediately, because the longer they wait, the more dishes they will have to do.



*Move Out*

Don't live with stoners? The problem is, your movie selection and junk food supply will both be severely depleated.



You could also switch their Ganja with catnip or sage. Or, just start smoking the Wizard yourself and relax! Or, kill 'em all and let God sort it out.

What Not To Do: Ask Carolyne Mistake

Dear Carolyne Mistake,


I'm moving and I was wondering how I should go about finding a job fast so I at least have some kind of income before I get a place and a better job?


thanks,


scot




Dear Scot:



Are you currently unemployed and looking for a job to secure you before you move, or are you looking for a job in your new home? If it's the prior, then don't even worry about it. Sometimes when we move, it's not because we want to or even because we think we have to. Sometimes it's because our current situation, our current homeland, says, "Carry on, my wayward son!" and pushes us out of the next and shuts it's little nest doors. It's not malice, don't think yor current home hates you -- it's just the end of an era. So don't push it. When a city says goodbye on it's own city-terms, it has already talked to other cities to arrange for your good treatment. You will find a home because you have to, you will find food because yoyu have to, friends, a sweater that doesn't reak so bad of coffee and cigarettes - they're be yours before you even realize it. It's it's the latter, then keep some of that same peace of mind in your new home and you will find something. Your will glow confidence, a strange air of, "You know I don't even need this job, fate's got my back I just think it'd work out best for both of us if you'd hire me." Before moving, you can check out spots like Monster.com, post resumes, do searches for businesses of your interest that are located in your area-to-be. After the move, get dolled up and walk door-to-door shining those pretty teeth at every retail outlet and restaurant you can find. Then at least you will have a form of income while you continue your search, if you choose to look further.



There is always though, the completely underestimated and therefore underused marketable skill or talent that people are very rarely paid enough for or used up to their full potential. The only one who can do that is you! If you are good at making things, make them! Playing music, do it. Writing - publish yourself or create a market for yourself. Even if you are still broke and dumpster-diving for your meals, at least you'll feel fulfilled at the end of the day, which is more than most people can dream of.






Carolyne Mistake,


Alright, I am tired of working so hard for so little money. I teach 400 kids a week, and that is too much, and yet the money I make constantly leaves me broke. What should I do.


-Maeoju




Maeoju:



At least you have a job! Look at poor Scot! That said, your problem probably comes from two sides. First, sounds like your a slave to the man. You could ask for a raise if you love your job - sometimes it's that simple. Bosses often don't realize just how little that little amount they pay people is, how short a distance it stretches. You could also look for a new job. Better yet, look for a new job but tell your boss you are. First, though, I'd start being a real good teacher, make everyone adore you at work. I'm talking Letters To The President adoration. That'll give your boss someting to chew on while he's trying to justify your 50cent/week salary.



Second, how much money do you spend? And what do you spend on? Do you eat out often? Buy junk food, lots of music? There's a pattern in contemporary American society where the more we work, the more we feel validated to spend superfluous money -- And the more we feel validated by spending. We buy presents to ourselves to justify getting treated so bad. "I have a write to this new outfit, I earned it for that crummy day." Desperation comes from feeling lost, scattered, and unappreciated, ad also various levels of insecurity. And it leads to spending money to regain some control. But if you don't have that money to spend, the cycle turns into a rapidly falling downward spiral. Take some money out of the ATM. Put a little in your pocket and leave the rest, along with your card, at home. It will help you think more about what you choose to spend money on, without losing that sense of control and place. If you still are having money problems, and your job isn't worth sticking with, tell your boss to go suck an egg and get outta there. Now you are free. Now you can go ride the wave of actual brokedom for a whle, and live the easy life of selling plasma and doing sleep studies and the occational Craigslist gig. Or, you can get another job because you are clearly smart enough to teach people and smart enough to stop, and employers like that in a person.





Carolyne Mistake,

Should I shave my hair into a mo-hawk?



,Sincerely


Mildly Overwhelming Haircut Announcing Wild Kitsch




Dear Kitsch:



Cut your hair! Live the chaos! I will say a few things about mohawks though. 1)they only look good if they're over four inches tall. 2) Don't get a mohawk if you're never gonna put it up. And you have to put it up proper, not use that "my hair stands up naturally" excuse. Spike your hair with beer and a glue gun, or glycerin soap and Freeze It (tm) and a hairdryer if your a baby. 3) Mohawks are creepy and weird if you have facial hair. 4) You'll have to dye it.



So if your hair isn't very long, you can still charge it or shave half or 1/3 and charge the rest. This also help balance out stupid moustaches (occationally).



Good luck and send pictures! Oi oi oi! Up the punxs!




Dear Carolyne Mistake,



For the past few months my parents have been fighting and using me and my little brother as a go-between. I really don’t understand what they are so angry about but when ever I am alone in a room with one of my parents they try and get me to say bad things about the other one. My skin is a little tougher than my little brothers so I am able to side step there questions a little more. He has been coming to me asking if mom and dad are going to split up and spends a lot of time crying about it but always puts on a happy face for our parents because he thinks his behavior is causing them to fight. How do I bring this up to my parents or what can I say to my little brother?


-in the middle





Dear In The Middle,



You don't sound "in the middle" at all -- you sound right on top of your shit and like you know what's going on. I no longer live with my family, but I do suffer a similar dynamic even now in my old age. Only with me it is between my older sister and my mom. I startd off being a good listener, would let them vent, and often would validate their feelings against theother people. There came a point, though, where I started saying -- first to myself and then to them -- that it was not my fight and I did not want to be further involved. In my particular situation, repeatedly bringing up the following points helped all three of us:



1) They were unhealthily obsessing over the situation and were going to drive themselves insane.

2) They were not accepting the other people for who she is. They have both been the same when they were younger as they are now, and it's not bad but it cannot be changed either.

3) It was not fair to be putting words in my mouth or thoughts in my head against the other person, or especially to be venting and yelling at me all the time about the person they were each actually mad at.

4) I love both of them very much.



The last one is very important. By telling your mom, "I love Dad," and vice versa, it clearly affirms your place in the situation. That said, make sure you also tell - or show - your parents each how you love them. They may be demonizing each other in order to make themselves out to be "The Good One," as my family endearingly puts it. Both your parents know you are hearing trash from the other parent directed at them, so as long as they can make the other one worse in your mind, they can at least remain at the hull ofthe sinking vessel. Really, though, neither one is being a good parent in this regard.



For your little brother, take him under your wing and realy be a Big Brother to him, no matter how much ne annoys you. Take him out with your friends if you can -- get him out of the house and doing things that are positive and take his mind off Mom and Dad. The only thing you can really tell him is the truth. That you don't knw if they're gonna split, but that they both do love you and him.


It's hard to be open, though -- to be honest in emotionally-charged situations. Do you have an aunt or uncle who is close with you and your family? You could try hinting to them that you're sad and maybe they can talk to your folks.



Good luck! Life is hard, and families are even harder. It sounds like you're a little ahead of the game, though, at least realizing that it's something that's deeply affecting you and your brother and something neither of you can keep living with in a healthy manner.




Dear Carolyne Mistake,

My high school sweet heart and I got married right after graduation because he was leaving fro the Navy. Before we tied the knot everything was wonderful our sex lives were great we communicated and all in all got along. Now that he is away for months at a time everything has changed. When he comes home he never wants to touch me and I feel he doesn’t find me attractive anymore. He won’t talk about it but I can tell he is just as miserable as me, I brought up the subject of divorce because we literally haven’t been intimate in 2 and a half years he never has anything to say to me and spends more time with his video games than ever. He doesn’t believe in divorce but this relationship is ruining both of our lives, I’ve gained an unhealthy amount of weight and have become severely depressed, I just don’t care about anything anymore. In a weird way I still love him. What am I supposed to do?


-lonely and unloved





Lonely and Unloved:


Do you really still love him or do you just miss loving him? Even if you do love him, are you in love? If he is gone for months at a time, then it makes sense that his personality has severely changed. Has he been in any sot of combat situation? Is he emotionally scarred and shut off? Maybe you feel bad for him. But sweetheart you can't save him. You could suggest counceling, both individually for both of you, and as a couple. Even if he does not want to go to counceling, I suggest you seek it for yourself, get in better physical shape for yourself (that is important, because physical excertion releases stress and helps our brains process and remail clear, plus helps our self-images, but is very dangerous to do in an effort to win the attention and affection of someone who is dealing with his own issues). Once you feel in an all over healthier place, try to liven up your sex life, be spontaneous in ways that are comfortable for you.



If there are still issues between you and your husband that are irreconcilable, get a divorce. So what if he "doesn't believe" in divorce. I've had boyfriends who "didn't believe" in condoms. Both are complete bullshit(!!) and show the same amount of disrespect and disregard for someone's well-being. If you are unhappy, you need to take initiative. You are worth it -- if you have enough compassion to even write to a stranger like me for help, then you deserve nothing less than whatever it is you want in a partner. If for some reason you can't complete a legal divorce, you can always just leave, move on, find someone who treats you right. And if you deal with your depression and physical unfitness in healthy ways, you will have the strength to do so! In the mean time, find some trustworthy girlfriends and bitch with them about how foolish your supposed husband is acting. Also, throw out the damn play station!



Dear Carolyne Mistake...


Let's say you live in a big has been punk house, with a million people who have come and gone, loved and lost, drank and puked, the house is like a sinking ship, and the few folks left are drowning rats. Let's say, the shows were great but are no more. The partys were many and the last drunk kid finally went home. So here we are left paying rent on this shit hole, avoiding the land lord/building inspectors/ health inspector/ nosey neighbors/ wierd creeps who think our house has a completely open door policy. And lastly, our two new roomates are junkies. Now don't get me wrong, they are nice kind people who appear to be completely harmless, albiet slightly off and can't really look me in the eye for the most part. So our house is shitty... our roomates are strangers... we have no reason to exist other than to stay "warm" or at least indoors for winter. What can I do to make this better? SEND HELP or at least love. signed needles in the front yard. (for real i found one this morning)




Needles:


Abort! Abort! A living environment is directly reflective of a mental/emotional environment. Right now your soul is being filled to the brim with disrespect, clutter, addicts and addiction, desperation, and insecurity. No one can live like that and survive for long. If there were not the issues of all those people you are avoiding, along with your repeated use of the term "shitty" to describe your house, I would suggest becoming a vigilante, kicking out the junkies, and demanding respect from the weird creeps -- starting with getting a damn lock on your door!



If you are on a lease and are dealing with building inspectors and health inspectors, then you are also dealing with a slum lord and should go on rent strike until everything is up to code. Bus it sounds like a sinking ship where you will just not be able to toss bucketfills of water overboard quick enough to not drown. Move out! What is really keeping you at the house? Leases can be broken if you give a month's notice. Or you could just turn it over to the junkies -- so long as they're doped up they'll likely be happy enough having a roof over their heads. I'm sure your landlord won't mind trading names on the lease in exchange for not reporting her to the housing authorities.



And tell the junkies to pickup their damn needles! Ew! That's atrocious on sooo many leels. What is a stray dog or you stepped on it?! What if housing or health inspectors, or the snooping landlord or neighbors, found it? Ugh. I have very little patience nowadays.




Dear Carolyne Mistake:



***Someone*** sent four or five anonymous text messages to my now ex-boyfriend from a blocked number. They were really creepy, saying things like,


"Do you really think your girlfriend is happy with you?" "You watched her cheat on you once, but she's done it at least three other times behind your back," and other drama- implicating, blatantly cruel falsities. Shortly after we broke up, he received one final text from a different blocked number, since he had gotten his cellular provider to block the first number from sending him messages. It said something to the effect of, "Victory! You are a pawn in the chess game of life." Since the boyfriend did not share with anyone the personal information the texter clearly had knowledge of, that means the culprit is most likely one of my friends. I have two likely suspects in mind. Do I confront them? How do I proceed?




Someone:


Did you break up with your ex as a result of these text messages? If so, then maybe the relationship was not successful enough and strong enough to really continue to pursue. And if not, then what did break you two up? Some of the best advice I've received came from a rummy ex-lover of mine, who'd broke my heart until I had enough. Before we'd broken up but things were still falling apart, I would bring up a topic of discontent and he would reply, "let it go." In the context, it was horrible advice. In the greater scheme of the relationship, it became great and sound advice, and are now words of wisdom I try to carry in my pocket everywhere I go. Now you, too, can enjoy the inadvertent wisdom of Cornelius! Let it go, sister! Hold on to what broke you two up, and let go of the idea that the relationship is what you really want or need in life.



If you insist on finding out, for your own sense of well-being and security in your friendships, then perhaps hang out with the two potential culprits, and bring up the situation, if you had not brought it up before to them. Say something like, "So ___ got some text messages from somebody who I can only assume is a friend of mine. But I'm real glad they did 'cause it ended us a lot sooner than it otherwise would, and we all know that relationship was a dead end anyway. I just wish I knew who it was." And maybe they will say, "It was me!"



However, if you have two friends who you think would have the odacity to betray you like that, are they really your friends anyway? If you could even think they would act like that, do you really want their company and companionship? I say drop all three of them and "let it go." Otherwise, tread carefully because you could end up digging yourself a deep hole full of awkward tension from people you really don't even like too much but can no longer crawl away from.