This is my favorite Garfield strip of all time. Is Garfield Dead? To Be Continued....
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
This Ain't no Mecca, Man
Dear Carolyne Mistake-
I live in San Francisco, one of the most expensive places in the USA, in a hallway under the stairs and make about 200 bucks a week. A great number of the people I know in this really high cost of living area have food stamps. Some of them come from really economically disadvantaged backgrounds, and some are, let's face it, just really into getting "free" food because it's "punk". For years, I have never felt that food stamps were appropriate for me, me of the whitey upper middle class college educated background that I have, should be more than capable of foraging for my own food and not taking advantage of a system that is supposed to help people who are actually in need. But lately I might be re-thinking my position. Food stamps are attractive to me not because I think poverty is at all cool (though that guy who wrote EVASION might care to differ) but because shit man, food is expensive and the amount of money I make is tiny compared to the majority of the people living in this area. SO, my question to you is, how ethical are food stamps for punks of a certain privileged background? I know there is the whole argument of not wanting to work because work is hella not punk, or to be able to go on tour and cook for the people who's house you stay at, but I fit into neither of those categories. So tell me your thoughts.
Sincerley,
This ain't no mecca man...
Dear (This Ain't No) Mecca Man,
Everything sucks right now. No one has jobs and the people who do
have jobs aren't making enough to survive. To be honest I don't
really understand national economics. Interesting how I an understand
my own money, and have a fairly good grasp on global economics, but
how we are able to live as luxuriously as we do as a nation and still
no one has any money and the country as a whole is in a huge debt,
completely escapes me. So keep that in mind as I try to help you out.
I have often felt the same way you do. That food stamps are for
people who need it, not "us," not "people who choose to be poor." But
hey Mecca, guess what, we are no longer choosing to be poor. You got
a job, you are trying to make it, and there's no real reason why you
should have a job and live in a staircase and starve while there are
people out there eating (through whatever means necessary). Even my
mother recently suggested I apply for food stamps, as I have been
eligible for years upon years now. There was a time when dumpstering
was pretty profitable but it seems like even that has stopped, with
many places trying to save as much as possible because even they don't
have any money (not to mention so many other people who have started
looking there for a change of a meal).
The one issue I suppose I still have with punks who are on food stamps
is when they talk about how shitty the government is. At this point,
come on man we all know it sucks, but if you are getting free,
not-from-the-trash food then there is little justification to complain
about the government on at least that level. It's still probably
alright to rise up against those horrible international policies and
fear-tactics.
But if you are going to go on food stamps, also consider other methods
of food (easier said than done, right?). I met a guy in D.C, years
ago, who grew herbs and vegetables in his apartment, on his
windowsills, and that's where he got the majority of his produce.
There are also community gardens and sometimes even farms that are not
too far outside a city's limits. While these aren't really food-stamp
accessible, they are cheap ways of getting food and you will be giving
your money directly to a family, and possibly could work out a system
where you work for your food or for some of your food, depending on
your availability. Check out Alemany Farm (alemanyfarm.org) or the
Green Gulch Farm at the San Fransisco Zen Center (sfzc.org/ggf) for a
few options but there are probably lots more out there. Here in
Pittsburgh there is even a squat dedicated to community farming, that
the government recently decided to legalize (if I have my facts
correct). And of course there is always Food Not Bombs. You might
feel better about being on food stamps if you alternately volunteer
your time with another organization trying to feed people (including
yourself). Or use some of your extra food stamp money to feed some
friends who are also struggling but who do not quality.
What ever you choose, don't feel like a jerk for needing to feed
yourself. Maybe being punk in general isn't ethical. Or maybe it's
as ethical as we can get. Would Steve Ignorant be on food stamps if
he lived in a city where a college educated person made $8/hr and rent
for a real room (yeah I know he lives in a teepee somewhere) cost at
least $550/month? A person can only sacrifice so much, but a person
can also usually give a lot more than they give themselves credit for.
I live in San Francisco, one of the most expensive places in the USA, in a hallway under the stairs and make about 200 bucks a week. A great number of the people I know in this really high cost of living area have food stamps. Some of them come from really economically disadvantaged backgrounds, and some are, let's face it, just really into getting "free" food because it's "punk". For years, I have never felt that food stamps were appropriate for me, me of the whitey upper middle class college educated background that I have, should be more than capable of foraging for my own food and not taking advantage of a system that is supposed to help people who are actually in need. But lately I might be re-thinking my position. Food stamps are attractive to me not because I think poverty is at all cool (though that guy who wrote EVASION might care to differ) but because shit man, food is expensive and the amount of money I make is tiny compared to the majority of the people living in this area. SO, my question to you is, how ethical are food stamps for punks of a certain privileged background? I know there is the whole argument of not wanting to work because work is hella not punk, or to be able to go on tour and cook for the people who's house you stay at, but I fit into neither of those categories. So tell me your thoughts.
Sincerley,
This ain't no mecca man...
Dear (This Ain't No) Mecca Man,
Everything sucks right now. No one has jobs and the people who do
have jobs aren't making enough to survive. To be honest I don't
really understand national economics. Interesting how I an understand
my own money, and have a fairly good grasp on global economics, but
how we are able to live as luxuriously as we do as a nation and still
no one has any money and the country as a whole is in a huge debt,
completely escapes me. So keep that in mind as I try to help you out.
I have often felt the same way you do. That food stamps are for
people who need it, not "us," not "people who choose to be poor." But
hey Mecca, guess what, we are no longer choosing to be poor. You got
a job, you are trying to make it, and there's no real reason why you
should have a job and live in a staircase and starve while there are
people out there eating (through whatever means necessary). Even my
mother recently suggested I apply for food stamps, as I have been
eligible for years upon years now. There was a time when dumpstering
was pretty profitable but it seems like even that has stopped, with
many places trying to save as much as possible because even they don't
have any money (not to mention so many other people who have started
looking there for a change of a meal).
The one issue I suppose I still have with punks who are on food stamps
is when they talk about how shitty the government is. At this point,
come on man we all know it sucks, but if you are getting free,
not-from-the-trash food then there is little justification to complain
about the government on at least that level. It's still probably
alright to rise up against those horrible international policies and
fear-tactics.
But if you are going to go on food stamps, also consider other methods
of food (easier said than done, right?). I met a guy in D.C, years
ago, who grew herbs and vegetables in his apartment, on his
windowsills, and that's where he got the majority of his produce.
There are also community gardens and sometimes even farms that are not
too far outside a city's limits. While these aren't really food-stamp
accessible, they are cheap ways of getting food and you will be giving
your money directly to a family, and possibly could work out a system
where you work for your food or for some of your food, depending on
your availability. Check out Alemany Farm (alemanyfarm.org) or the
Green Gulch Farm at the San Fransisco Zen Center (sfzc.org/ggf) for a
few options but there are probably lots more out there. Here in
Pittsburgh there is even a squat dedicated to community farming, that
the government recently decided to legalize (if I have my facts
correct). And of course there is always Food Not Bombs. You might
feel better about being on food stamps if you alternately volunteer
your time with another organization trying to feed people (including
yourself). Or use some of your extra food stamp money to feed some
friends who are also struggling but who do not quality.
What ever you choose, don't feel like a jerk for needing to feed
yourself. Maybe being punk in general isn't ethical. Or maybe it's
as ethical as we can get. Would Steve Ignorant be on food stamps if
he lived in a city where a college educated person made $8/hr and rent
for a real room (yeah I know he lives in a teepee somewhere) cost at
least $550/month? A person can only sacrifice so much, but a person
can also usually give a lot more than they give themselves credit for.
Monday, January 5, 2009
orange girls
Hi I am a 26 year old dude living in the East End. I haven't had sex in three months. To make matters worse my hippy neighbor gave me some of her herbs and now when I jerk off my loads are enough to fill a 10 gallon jug (not really but you get the idea). So what do I do? My hippy neighbor ain't trying to let me in and I have hard time discerning inviting women and just friendly girls. Is it time for me to go to the (gulp) matrix and just go after one of those orange girls??
thanks,
seriously, gallons
Dear gallons,
Ok, so I am going write this under the assumption that you are not
looking for a relationship (but I will cover that a bit at the end
just to make sure). If you gulp before you say that, then don't do
it. It isn't what you are looking for. I mean, sure, if you just
wanna get laid by just anyone you can get your mits on, then you can
go to the Matrix, or for that matter the Brillo Box, 80's Night, etc.
and pick up some broad who doesn't wanna go home alone that night.
And if you are both mutually into it then right on. By the gulp
though, sounds like you are looking for someone with a little more
pizazz. This could go a few different ways. You got this huge load
going for you, not to mention some killer herbs you could cook a saucy
meal with (for your potential date). Lots (well maybe not lots, just
like you couldn't actually fill a 10 gallon jug) of women out there
love huge loads. You could even eat different foods to make it taste
different. There's always the internet, namely Craigslist, full of
people who just want someone they can meet every Thursday afternoon
and roll around in bed with for an hour and a half in between work and
their grad school night class. Market that shit! Or if not
Craigslist, if you want something just slightly more intimate, ask
around, single friends of friends. Just don't be a creep because that
will ruin your chances. There are kinky girls out there. Ask your
neighbor if she knows anyone. If she has the kinda stuff that can do
that to your body, she probably knows some open minded people. Or at
least wouldn't be too taken aback by the question.
So on the off chance that you are interested in a date that leads to
more than just a romp, maybe try (for a quick but risky solution)
heading to some place like the BBT for dollar beer night where girls
aren't totally wasted but are friendly and talkative and surrounded by
friends, possibly even mutual friends if you live in the area, or
perhaps Tazza d'Oro where you can read a good book and people are in
good enough caffeinated spirits that if it's an interesting looking
title then someone might talk to you about it (but actually read the
interesting book, don't pose out, because you'll have to talk about
it, dig?). Or take up a class in something you've wanted to learn for
a while, or volunteer at an organization you support. It will take up
some time you currently spend rubbing one out and thinking about
rubbing one out, and you might even meet someone with a similar
interest or passion.
As far as knowing the difference between inviting women and friendly
girls, it's a hard call. You'd have to pay attention to body language
more than just a smile. At some point, if the inviting woman is a
little shy or not very good getting the invitation out there, you may
have to subtly ask if she would be interested in hanging out later, or
put your hand on her knee and see if she reacts positively or
negatively. That's a hard thing to give advice on, really, the
generality of finding out if a woman is into you. If you'd like, you
can write back if there is a particular situation in mind that you are
confused about. In the meantime, good luck in your pursuits!
-CM
thanks,
seriously, gallons
Dear gallons,
Ok, so I am going write this under the assumption that you are not
looking for a relationship (but I will cover that a bit at the end
just to make sure). If you gulp before you say that, then don't do
it. It isn't what you are looking for. I mean, sure, if you just
wanna get laid by just anyone you can get your mits on, then you can
go to the Matrix, or for that matter the Brillo Box, 80's Night, etc.
and pick up some broad who doesn't wanna go home alone that night.
And if you are both mutually into it then right on. By the gulp
though, sounds like you are looking for someone with a little more
pizazz. This could go a few different ways. You got this huge load
going for you, not to mention some killer herbs you could cook a saucy
meal with (for your potential date). Lots (well maybe not lots, just
like you couldn't actually fill a 10 gallon jug) of women out there
love huge loads. You could even eat different foods to make it taste
different. There's always the internet, namely Craigslist, full of
people who just want someone they can meet every Thursday afternoon
and roll around in bed with for an hour and a half in between work and
their grad school night class. Market that shit! Or if not
Craigslist, if you want something just slightly more intimate, ask
around, single friends of friends. Just don't be a creep because that
will ruin your chances. There are kinky girls out there. Ask your
neighbor if she knows anyone. If she has the kinda stuff that can do
that to your body, she probably knows some open minded people. Or at
least wouldn't be too taken aback by the question.
So on the off chance that you are interested in a date that leads to
more than just a romp, maybe try (for a quick but risky solution)
heading to some place like the BBT for dollar beer night where girls
aren't totally wasted but are friendly and talkative and surrounded by
friends, possibly even mutual friends if you live in the area, or
perhaps Tazza d'Oro where you can read a good book and people are in
good enough caffeinated spirits that if it's an interesting looking
title then someone might talk to you about it (but actually read the
interesting book, don't pose out, because you'll have to talk about
it, dig?). Or take up a class in something you've wanted to learn for
a while, or volunteer at an organization you support. It will take up
some time you currently spend rubbing one out and thinking about
rubbing one out, and you might even meet someone with a similar
interest or passion.
As far as knowing the difference between inviting women and friendly
girls, it's a hard call. You'd have to pay attention to body language
more than just a smile. At some point, if the inviting woman is a
little shy or not very good getting the invitation out there, you may
have to subtly ask if she would be interested in hanging out later, or
put your hand on her knee and see if she reacts positively or
negatively. That's a hard thing to give advice on, really, the
generality of finding out if a woman is into you. If you'd like, you
can write back if there is a particular situation in mind that you are
confused about. In the meantime, good luck in your pursuits!
-CM
ingenuity
how do you live day to day when you think capitalism is morally wrong; at least in its current incarnation?
how do you broach the subject of group sex?
is tic-tac ever going to give me credit for the multipack? see: ingenuity/entrepreneurship/1993/bastards
Dear Ingenuity,
This is quite a lot to tackle at once! I guess the best way to go
about this is just one at a time.
1 - Capitalism. There's no way to get away from it. It's the very
soil our houses our built on, the grain our cereal's pounded from. If
America were to every become an anarchist state, it won't achieve that
in our lifetimes. This isn't to discern you, it's just to consider
the starting point. We must be anti-capitalist in our own lives in
the ways we can, and then grow on that as we are comfortable. Own a
house? Start a garden. The garden thrives? Turn it into a community
project, or find another plot of land. There was a program in England
where people, in the dead of night, took over community concrete parks
and made them into flower gardens. Perhaps the same could be done
with vegetables and fruit? Grow things we can live off! The more we
grow the less we need to purchase, and the less dependent we become on
others to supply for us at whatever they see fit as the cost. Then of
course the next steps are renewable energy, finding small ways to make
your life more efficient. We can't change the world in drastic ways
over night. But we can change it in small ways overnight by turning
our lights off and our water off, using different forms of electricity
and heat, investing in solar paneling, and researching where our
products come from to see if they are fueling a civil (or otherwise)
war somewhere overseas. Actively participate in group-oriented
events, such as riding the bus, community theatre, or sewing circles.
Things that incorporate community participation rather than isolation,
and that support the efforts of others. Just because the system is so
wound up in capitalism, these things will sometimes still cost money
(buying yarn because you can't just own a sheep suddenly in the city
and know how to build a spindle to spin yarn. But then again you can
make a synthetic yarn out of plastic bags or even dog hair, it would
just be a matter of how much time you have to spare in our society
where we need jobs to survive. Most importantly don't get discouraged
or feel badly about what you are doing to the world or what other's
are doing to it. Just think of creative and fun things that will help
rather than hinder. Listening to Crass and other peacepunk bands
help, and watching documentaries, etc. of old peacepunk squats and the
innovative things they did (when things were going well, anyway) to
keep alive without sacrificing their beliefs.
2 - sex. Do you want group sex between you, your partner, and others?
First, just mention it to your partner. The worst s/he can say is
no. Assuming you have been together for a while, they probably by now
have a sense that you are interested in over-all alternatives to the
sometimes suffocating paradigms, and potentially your partner is too.
Bring up the topic as something you've been considering, and explain
your reasoning and how it could enhance things between you and your
partner. If your partner is into it, brainstorm together on who else
might be interested, who you find mutually attractive. Perhaps there
is a couple out there with whom you, as a couple, have felt a
compelling bond. Or maybe you are looking for something purely
physical, a dynamic outside of what you know and who you know. Maybe,
then, you miht be best served to join a club or organization dedicated
to this behavior. Just make sure whoever you engage with has been
tested for STD's etc. Love is expansive and your partner, if s/he is
in it to win it, will likely be open minded. If not, is this
something you consider seriously enough to break off the relationship?
If so, talking together with a third party may help to rebuild the
bond that could be on its hinges.
3 - tic-tac. Not likely. Unfortunately, even if you took them to
court, they could keep it rolling for a long time with their
never-ending legal budget, while you will just sink further into the
hole as they weight it out. You could be lucky, of course, and settle
out-of-court just to save them the hassle. Did you ever copyright the
concept? Do you have proof that you came up with it before they did,
and were they the first after you?
Fucking asshole just don't get it.
how do you broach the subject of group sex?
is tic-tac ever going to give me credit for the multipack? see: ingenuity/entrepreneurship/1993/bastards
Dear Ingenuity,
This is quite a lot to tackle at once! I guess the best way to go
about this is just one at a time.
1 - Capitalism. There's no way to get away from it. It's the very
soil our houses our built on, the grain our cereal's pounded from. If
America were to every become an anarchist state, it won't achieve that
in our lifetimes. This isn't to discern you, it's just to consider
the starting point. We must be anti-capitalist in our own lives in
the ways we can, and then grow on that as we are comfortable. Own a
house? Start a garden. The garden thrives? Turn it into a community
project, or find another plot of land. There was a program in England
where people, in the dead of night, took over community concrete parks
and made them into flower gardens. Perhaps the same could be done
with vegetables and fruit? Grow things we can live off! The more we
grow the less we need to purchase, and the less dependent we become on
others to supply for us at whatever they see fit as the cost. Then of
course the next steps are renewable energy, finding small ways to make
your life more efficient. We can't change the world in drastic ways
over night. But we can change it in small ways overnight by turning
our lights off and our water off, using different forms of electricity
and heat, investing in solar paneling, and researching where our
products come from to see if they are fueling a civil (or otherwise)
war somewhere overseas. Actively participate in group-oriented
events, such as riding the bus, community theatre, or sewing circles.
Things that incorporate community participation rather than isolation,
and that support the efforts of others. Just because the system is so
wound up in capitalism, these things will sometimes still cost money
(buying yarn because you can't just own a sheep suddenly in the city
and know how to build a spindle to spin yarn. But then again you can
make a synthetic yarn out of plastic bags or even dog hair, it would
just be a matter of how much time you have to spare in our society
where we need jobs to survive. Most importantly don't get discouraged
or feel badly about what you are doing to the world or what other's
are doing to it. Just think of creative and fun things that will help
rather than hinder. Listening to Crass and other peacepunk bands
help, and watching documentaries, etc. of old peacepunk squats and the
innovative things they did (when things were going well, anyway) to
keep alive without sacrificing their beliefs.
2 - sex. Do you want group sex between you, your partner, and others?
First, just mention it to your partner. The worst s/he can say is
no. Assuming you have been together for a while, they probably by now
have a sense that you are interested in over-all alternatives to the
sometimes suffocating paradigms, and potentially your partner is too.
Bring up the topic as something you've been considering, and explain
your reasoning and how it could enhance things between you and your
partner. If your partner is into it, brainstorm together on who else
might be interested, who you find mutually attractive. Perhaps there
is a couple out there with whom you, as a couple, have felt a
compelling bond. Or maybe you are looking for something purely
physical, a dynamic outside of what you know and who you know. Maybe,
then, you miht be best served to join a club or organization dedicated
to this behavior. Just make sure whoever you engage with has been
tested for STD's etc. Love is expansive and your partner, if s/he is
in it to win it, will likely be open minded. If not, is this
something you consider seriously enough to break off the relationship?
If so, talking together with a third party may help to rebuild the
bond that could be on its hinges.
3 - tic-tac. Not likely. Unfortunately, even if you took them to
court, they could keep it rolling for a long time with their
never-ending legal budget, while you will just sink further into the
hole as they weight it out. You could be lucky, of course, and settle
out-of-court just to save them the hassle. Did you ever copyright the
concept? Do you have proof that you came up with it before they did,
and were they the first after you?
Fucking asshole just don't get it.
homeward bound
hi there. my advice needed is based purely on hypotheticals.
Ok. So, I am looking to buy a house. Ideally, my partner would move into it with me, and only my partner. Even though we've been together a while, there is still the "eehhh I dont know if we should live together" vibe. However, if I get a house sooner rather than later, then I'll still want a roommate to help pay that mortgage payment. So, given that partner has first dibs and turns it down, current roommate gets second dibs. PROBLEM: suppose a few months later, or whatever, partners says, "Hey! Let's live together! I'll Move in!" how do i deal with moving the roommate out without him being upset? I guess I could tell him right off the bat that whenever partner decides to move in, he'd have to leave? but both seem shitty. other option is finding a big enough house for all of us--roommate has lots of recording equip and a drum set, etc, but its not like it takes up tons of room.... but three of us in a 2-bedroom will be a little tight despite partner and i staying in one room ourselves.
~homeward bound
Dear Homeward Bound,
It is important to be straight up and confrontational with everyone
before-hand. Perhaps have a meeting with everyone now, a tentative
discussion with people, and then another one once the house has been
picked out and you have decided that yes, this is the place you want
to settle into and make truly your own. Remember that owning a house,
while a lot cheaper in Pittsburgh, is still a big deal and not
something nearly as temporary as a roommate and potentially even your
partner (fate-willing). Make sure your partner knows how you feel
about him/her moving in together, and agrees that this is YOUR house.
If there is enough room in the house you choose for three people, it
may be beneficial to have a third person living there, so long as
partner and roommate get along, and you are in a healthy relationship
with both people.
Financially, if you and your partner are dedicated to one another, at
least for the semi-long term or even the extended time being, living
together can be a good investment. You will save on gas/bus fare, and
on utilities, plus as you mentioned it will be another person to help
with the mortgage payment.
If you let your roommate move in before your partner, you should be a
fare landlord and allow your roommate to stay there because it is not
his fault your partner waffled. The exception would be if your
roommate agreed ahead of time that no, that would be no problem at all
to move out. You should at least give him a couple month's notice so
that he can find a new place. Ultimately, though, whatever the
agreement is, it should be made on consensus of all parties involved,
before anyone moves in. And you should not purchase your house based
on the current agreement or living situation, because the house will
still be in your name and requiring payments and attention and love,
and will be the shelter over your head, no matter who else lives
there.
Good luck on the search, this is a wonderful time to buy, especially
being a young, motivated, and healthy person who can buy a slight
fixer-upper! Prices probably couldn't get much lower than they are
now.
As a side note, try to meet the neighbors of get the inside scoop on
them before hand. They also come with the house, for better or for
worse.
-CM
Ok. So, I am looking to buy a house. Ideally, my partner would move into it with me, and only my partner. Even though we've been together a while, there is still the "eehhh I dont know if we should live together" vibe. However, if I get a house sooner rather than later, then I'll still want a roommate to help pay that mortgage payment. So, given that partner has first dibs and turns it down, current roommate gets second dibs. PROBLEM: suppose a few months later, or whatever, partners says, "Hey! Let's live together! I'll Move in!" how do i deal with moving the roommate out without him being upset? I guess I could tell him right off the bat that whenever partner decides to move in, he'd have to leave? but both seem shitty. other option is finding a big enough house for all of us--roommate has lots of recording equip and a drum set, etc, but its not like it takes up tons of room.... but three of us in a 2-bedroom will be a little tight despite partner and i staying in one room ourselves.
~homeward bound
Dear Homeward Bound,
It is important to be straight up and confrontational with everyone
before-hand. Perhaps have a meeting with everyone now, a tentative
discussion with people, and then another one once the house has been
picked out and you have decided that yes, this is the place you want
to settle into and make truly your own. Remember that owning a house,
while a lot cheaper in Pittsburgh, is still a big deal and not
something nearly as temporary as a roommate and potentially even your
partner (fate-willing). Make sure your partner knows how you feel
about him/her moving in together, and agrees that this is YOUR house.
If there is enough room in the house you choose for three people, it
may be beneficial to have a third person living there, so long as
partner and roommate get along, and you are in a healthy relationship
with both people.
Financially, if you and your partner are dedicated to one another, at
least for the semi-long term or even the extended time being, living
together can be a good investment. You will save on gas/bus fare, and
on utilities, plus as you mentioned it will be another person to help
with the mortgage payment.
If you let your roommate move in before your partner, you should be a
fare landlord and allow your roommate to stay there because it is not
his fault your partner waffled. The exception would be if your
roommate agreed ahead of time that no, that would be no problem at all
to move out. You should at least give him a couple month's notice so
that he can find a new place. Ultimately, though, whatever the
agreement is, it should be made on consensus of all parties involved,
before anyone moves in. And you should not purchase your house based
on the current agreement or living situation, because the house will
still be in your name and requiring payments and attention and love,
and will be the shelter over your head, no matter who else lives
there.
Good luck on the search, this is a wonderful time to buy, especially
being a young, motivated, and healthy person who can buy a slight
fixer-upper! Prices probably couldn't get much lower than they are
now.
As a side note, try to meet the neighbors of get the inside scoop on
them before hand. They also come with the house, for better or for
worse.
-CM
Hi. So.... what do i do???!!! I need to play drums for Led Zep or some huge arena rock band. I need help. Please help me. I am not John Bonham's son, therefore I have a disadvantage. Thanks, Jake
Dear Jake,
There are a few different ways to go about this. Think of Judas
Priest and Ripper Owens, who took over when Rob Halford left to form
Fight. Owens was in a J.Priest tribute band and tried out for the
part. On the other hand, there is the Iron Maiden route. Get a
really tight band together and send your demo out to different bands
until one of them picks you up to open for them on tour. If you are
as good or better than the headlining band, you are pretty sure to
succeed.
There are some other methods of fame out there. David Grohl seems
like a good example of rising from the bottom. He plays huge bands
now but started out playing for Scream, a pretty unknown band. But he
made some good connections and opened his mind to different things,
and Nirvana was formed. He wasn't the spectacle of that band, but the
band as a whole caught a very big wave that pushed Grohl to the top,
and when Nirvana was over, Grohl was in a place to become pretty
infamous with whatever next project he started, so long as he played
his cards right.
Do you have a band already? Do you have a manager? A demo? It seems
that the mistake that a lot of smaller rock bands make is that they
come out with a demo too soon, so people hear them before they are
ripe. Many of the best bands in history have waited. If you wait
until what you are producing is really, really, good and tight, then
when you send it out to radio stations and distributors, you will get
better feedback and a bigger turnout.
It seems, also, that speed helps. I am not sure why, I think it is
the crazy sparkle it puts on your eye that makes the girls go wild.
Think of the Beatles. They were on all kinds of uppers when they
played the pubs and clubs in England when they were starting out, and
that wild head bopping and grinning, set behind the innocence of their
young faces, really drove fans mad. As a drummer, you have the most
potential to just sit back, but you will need an incredibly
charismatic frontman or frontwoman to rise the band up.
As far as starting from the bottom and immediately joining a larger
band, you should probably refer to the first suggestion of really
learning someone else's tone and quality, memorizing their every move,
and then replacing that person when the time is right. As a drummer,
though, you should probably first become satisfied with playing music
for the love of music, and creating really innovative beats and a new
fresh sound, and from there, there will be long-term success that will
bring you up to fame over the years. Good luck and keep practicing!
-CM
Dear Jake,
There are a few different ways to go about this. Think of Judas
Priest and Ripper Owens, who took over when Rob Halford left to form
Fight. Owens was in a J.Priest tribute band and tried out for the
part. On the other hand, there is the Iron Maiden route. Get a
really tight band together and send your demo out to different bands
until one of them picks you up to open for them on tour. If you are
as good or better than the headlining band, you are pretty sure to
succeed.
There are some other methods of fame out there. David Grohl seems
like a good example of rising from the bottom. He plays huge bands
now but started out playing for Scream, a pretty unknown band. But he
made some good connections and opened his mind to different things,
and Nirvana was formed. He wasn't the spectacle of that band, but the
band as a whole caught a very big wave that pushed Grohl to the top,
and when Nirvana was over, Grohl was in a place to become pretty
infamous with whatever next project he started, so long as he played
his cards right.
Do you have a band already? Do you have a manager? A demo? It seems
that the mistake that a lot of smaller rock bands make is that they
come out with a demo too soon, so people hear them before they are
ripe. Many of the best bands in history have waited. If you wait
until what you are producing is really, really, good and tight, then
when you send it out to radio stations and distributors, you will get
better feedback and a bigger turnout.
It seems, also, that speed helps. I am not sure why, I think it is
the crazy sparkle it puts on your eye that makes the girls go wild.
Think of the Beatles. They were on all kinds of uppers when they
played the pubs and clubs in England when they were starting out, and
that wild head bopping and grinning, set behind the innocence of their
young faces, really drove fans mad. As a drummer, you have the most
potential to just sit back, but you will need an incredibly
charismatic frontman or frontwoman to rise the band up.
As far as starting from the bottom and immediately joining a larger
band, you should probably refer to the first suggestion of really
learning someone else's tone and quality, memorizing their every move,
and then replacing that person when the time is right. As a drummer,
though, you should probably first become satisfied with playing music
for the love of music, and creating really innovative beats and a new
fresh sound, and from there, there will be long-term success that will
bring you up to fame over the years. Good luck and keep practicing!
-CM
Dear Carolyne Mistake,
it's been a long time since i have been able to find my s/o physically attractive without pretending she is a creature from another world. i don't mean, like, and alien, but more "fantasy-like." truth is, i have always had a thing for elves. the way they can move through the forest and communicate with nature fascinates me. beautiful and immortal, they live in perfect communion with their surroundings. and those ears!
it's been something that i have been able to keep to myself for a while, but the problem is starting to manifest in more and more outward ways. i used to get away with simple internal pretending during intercourse. then i tried encouraging her to wear her hair in certain ways or wear certain outfits. recently i even told her what was going on in my head. she though i was just messing around and she indulged me a little by learning some lines from lord of the rings. she thinks i am just playing around.
it's gotten to the point now that i am actually searching for doors to other worlds in hopes that there are elves there. any time i get in my car or open a door to a room i secretly hope i stumble into another realm. this is the part i haven't told anybody about. it is my hope that this phase simply "goes away," but i know my own sexual desire to mate with a creature of fantasy has been long in the making. i don't think it will ever just stop. i want to do research into where the concept of "elves" came from in hopes that i can trace the story back to it's root and possibly find the real elves. i will then attempt to mate with them. is that something i should "not do?"
-NIMH
Dear NIMH,
Dear Nimh,
No I think you should do that! When I was in high school and played goalie on the field hockey team , there was a piece of graffiti behind one of the goals that said, "the only way to resist temptation is to yield to it." This advice might not be the best for my alcoholic family members, but in your case I think it's the best way to overcome this quote-unquote "problem."
There are a few books on elves out there. When you research, make sure you are not reading a bunch of made-up and humoring babble. A good place to start is Robert Kirk's "A Study in Folk-Lore and Psychical Research" Which was written in 1691. Another book, that expands on Kirk's work, is "The Secret Commonwealth of Elves, Fauns, and Fairies," written by Andrew Lang around 1890, using Kirk's vision as a stepping stone and launching pad. Tolkien was a great visionary, but most of his work is illusury and nonserious, typically using the mystical world as placeholders for his Christian themes. The more you know about the world of elves, the more likely you will be to enter their world, be open to it, and likely even be invited into it.
There are probably others like you out there. Make sure they are sane and serious. This is touchy ground, especially in an age of big-budget fantasy movies and Harry Potter. As far as your girlfriend goes, she can "play elf" to her little heart's content but she will never BE an elf. You will have to consider what you love and desire more, your girlfriend as a wonderful human, or the elven world. Perhaps once you leave her in search of the next realm, you will come to love her in a whole new dimension.
Until then, though, it is important to be honest to both your girlfriend and yourself, and explore the parts of you that have been subdued so long, probably due to societal pressures and not realizing there was even potential to love another besides a human. Good Luck!
it's been a long time since i have been able to find my s/o physically attractive without pretending she is a creature from another world. i don't mean, like, and alien, but more "fantasy-like." truth is, i have always had a thing for elves. the way they can move through the forest and communicate with nature fascinates me. beautiful and immortal, they live in perfect communion with their surroundings. and those ears!
it's been something that i have been able to keep to myself for a while, but the problem is starting to manifest in more and more outward ways. i used to get away with simple internal pretending during intercourse. then i tried encouraging her to wear her hair in certain ways or wear certain outfits. recently i even told her what was going on in my head. she though i was just messing around and she indulged me a little by learning some lines from lord of the rings. she thinks i am just playing around.
it's gotten to the point now that i am actually searching for doors to other worlds in hopes that there are elves there. any time i get in my car or open a door to a room i secretly hope i stumble into another realm. this is the part i haven't told anybody about. it is my hope that this phase simply "goes away," but i know my own sexual desire to mate with a creature of fantasy has been long in the making. i don't think it will ever just stop. i want to do research into where the concept of "elves" came from in hopes that i can trace the story back to it's root and possibly find the real elves. i will then attempt to mate with them. is that something i should "not do?"
-NIMH
Dear NIMH,
Dear Nimh,
No I think you should do that! When I was in high school and played goalie on the field hockey team , there was a piece of graffiti behind one of the goals that said, "the only way to resist temptation is to yield to it." This advice might not be the best for my alcoholic family members, but in your case I think it's the best way to overcome this quote-unquote "problem."
There are a few books on elves out there. When you research, make sure you are not reading a bunch of made-up and humoring babble. A good place to start is Robert Kirk's "A Study in Folk-Lore and Psychical Research" Which was written in 1691. Another book, that expands on Kirk's work, is "The Secret Commonwealth of Elves, Fauns, and Fairies," written by Andrew Lang around 1890, using Kirk's vision as a stepping stone and launching pad. Tolkien was a great visionary, but most of his work is illusury and nonserious, typically using the mystical world as placeholders for his Christian themes. The more you know about the world of elves, the more likely you will be to enter their world, be open to it, and likely even be invited into it.
There are probably others like you out there. Make sure they are sane and serious. This is touchy ground, especially in an age of big-budget fantasy movies and Harry Potter. As far as your girlfriend goes, she can "play elf" to her little heart's content but she will never BE an elf. You will have to consider what you love and desire more, your girlfriend as a wonderful human, or the elven world. Perhaps once you leave her in search of the next realm, you will come to love her in a whole new dimension.
Until then, though, it is important to be honest to both your girlfriend and yourself, and explore the parts of you that have been subdued so long, probably due to societal pressures and not realizing there was even potential to love another besides a human. Good Luck!
I don't have any good ideas for my song-a-day today!
Ideas so far (to prove that they are not so good)
- song about getting my pupils dilated during my eye exam today and
not being able to see shit for four hours.
- song about having A negative blood and Q having A positive blood,
and that meaning that he did better than I did on the blood test.
wakka wakka.
so terrible.
What should my song be about????
-- emma
Dear Emma,
First of all, I think those songs are A-okay, especially when you are
going to be writing a song every day. That is hard work! Especially
when you don't have a line of producers helping you out. The second
one is especially inspiring and could turn out great if you work it
right. Have you listened to any Vancougar? This sort of song reminds
me of that. The concept of blood being different, and the tests it is
put though, and what makes people compatible, could be a great theme
to run on, especially going on the positive and negative as you said.
At least you didn't get a B minus!
When I write poems and can't think of what to title it, I sometimes
think of the context of when I wrote it, such at the time and place,
or what I was thinking about or listening to. "8 a.m. Sunday, Joni
Mitchelle on repeat." for example. It provides an extra layer and
texture without saying much. You could use the same idea of song
titles, in the reverse way. Think of what you are doing, and take it
out of context. The images it creates, especially maybe if you show
it to Q or another third party, could be the start of a really good
song, lyrically.
Another poetic strategy, which is what I have mainly to go by as that
is my genre of choice, is the list. Consider songs like "people who
died" by Jim Carroll Band. A bit gruesome, but essentially just a
list of people that guy knew. or "I've Been Everywhere" by Hank Snow
(covered by Johnny Cash a few years back) which is just a list of
places, really. Both songs don't have necessarily a whole lot to them
as far as consideration and introspection, but that part is left to
the audience enough that it's interesting on multiple levels. You
could write a song about the toys you had as a kid, or didn't have as
a kid, or about all the best dates you and Q went on.
OR you could make it a bit more thematic to give yourself some more
structure. Say, something like, take the first line from each guns
and roses song and rewrite the rest of the lyrics. But you would have
to do it without the music or else you may write the music too
similarly. Maybe take the first sentence from thirty books on your
shelf.
If none of these suggestions help, try some of these song topics: The
first time you saw the ocean. Returning to your childhood home.
Pretending to sneak out of the house as if it were your parents', even
though you're a grown ass woman now. Organizing a bake sale to post
bond for a friend who was arrested by the fashion police (stakes is
high).
I hope those help!! Good luck and I think that sounds like a
fantastic and motivated Fun-A-Day. Can't wait to hear the final
project at the show in March.
-CM
Ideas so far (to prove that they are not so good)
- song about getting my pupils dilated during my eye exam today and
not being able to see shit for four hours.
- song about having A negative blood and Q having A positive blood,
and that meaning that he did better than I did on the blood test.
wakka wakka.
so terrible.
What should my song be about????
-- emma
Dear Emma,
First of all, I think those songs are A-okay, especially when you are
going to be writing a song every day. That is hard work! Especially
when you don't have a line of producers helping you out. The second
one is especially inspiring and could turn out great if you work it
right. Have you listened to any Vancougar? This sort of song reminds
me of that. The concept of blood being different, and the tests it is
put though, and what makes people compatible, could be a great theme
to run on, especially going on the positive and negative as you said.
At least you didn't get a B minus!
When I write poems and can't think of what to title it, I sometimes
think of the context of when I wrote it, such at the time and place,
or what I was thinking about or listening to. "8 a.m. Sunday, Joni
Mitchelle on repeat." for example. It provides an extra layer and
texture without saying much. You could use the same idea of song
titles, in the reverse way. Think of what you are doing, and take it
out of context. The images it creates, especially maybe if you show
it to Q or another third party, could be the start of a really good
song, lyrically.
Another poetic strategy, which is what I have mainly to go by as that
is my genre of choice, is the list. Consider songs like "people who
died" by Jim Carroll Band. A bit gruesome, but essentially just a
list of people that guy knew. or "I've Been Everywhere" by Hank Snow
(covered by Johnny Cash a few years back) which is just a list of
places, really. Both songs don't have necessarily a whole lot to them
as far as consideration and introspection, but that part is left to
the audience enough that it's interesting on multiple levels. You
could write a song about the toys you had as a kid, or didn't have as
a kid, or about all the best dates you and Q went on.
OR you could make it a bit more thematic to give yourself some more
structure. Say, something like, take the first line from each guns
and roses song and rewrite the rest of the lyrics. But you would have
to do it without the music or else you may write the music too
similarly. Maybe take the first sentence from thirty books on your
shelf.
If none of these suggestions help, try some of these song topics: The
first time you saw the ocean. Returning to your childhood home.
Pretending to sneak out of the house as if it were your parents', even
though you're a grown ass woman now. Organizing a bake sale to post
bond for a friend who was arrested by the fashion police (stakes is
high).
I hope those help!! Good luck and I think that sounds like a
fantastic and motivated Fun-A-Day. Can't wait to hear the final
project at the show in March.
-CM
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